somehow power

So I have been thinking a lot about prayer as of late and this is my attempt to put my inner rumblings onto the screen. I must start with a confession of sorts. I find prayer really hard. I know as a Jesus follower that it is something I should do and do on a regular basis but it does not come easily. Here are a few reasons why...

First, I struggle with the reason to pray. I mean, why do it at all? We serve a God who knows all, can do anything, has a will the is better then mine, etc. How can I ever lift up a praise that really reflects God's reality, make a request for something that is truly best or fully repent of my inner darkness?

Secondly, and these are far more practical, why does prayer come with so much pressure? I mean if someone stopped me on the street and asked if I wanted to fast or read the Bible I would feel free to say no but if asked to pray I would feel the need to say yes. Not that this might be a bad pressure but it still seems strange that it exists. Next time you are with a group of people and you are sitting down to eat and someone suggests it might be a good idea to pray, I think you should say 'no'.

Also, I know I should be way past this but how many of you can relate with me about the 'preplanned' prayer? You are sitting in a circle and everyone is praying and you know it will be your turn soon or at least you think you should pray soon so you begin to practice in your head. You try and think of what has not been said yet so that you can add something valuable. Then you say it over and over again so it sounds just right. Now you are ready to speak out loud. Maybe this is just me but it is me.

Finally, I am often distracted or guilty of the way peoples' voices change while praying. I am talking in my normal voice and then as prayer begins I become softer and use words that are only okay in prayer and seminary. Why do I do this?

So with all that confusion and whining done for now, I want to become a person of prayer. I know there is power there. I believe that by faith and I know that somehow it makes a difference. God does hear me and talks in return. I know from stories from early childhood that God does amazing things beyond our comprehension when people pray. Not as the act of a divine vending machine but out of grace. So may I and this generation be one that somehow gets to the heart of what prayer really is and bend our knees out of a desire for change.

Amen

retelling

I have been thinking about this because of my class. Let me know what you think...


Once upon a time in a small Wisconsin town there was a business man who had two sons. One day the younger son, knowing that someday he would receive part of all that his father owned, walked up to his father and said, “I wish that you were dead and I would like right now, all that I will someday receive and not wait any longer”
The father amazingly granted this request and gave the younger son what he asked for.
A few days later the younger son decided to leave and seek a life that was far more exciting then the one he was having at home. So he took all that he had which as a lot for someone his age, boarded a bus and left to find fame and fortune in New York City. Up until this point he had never been there but had heard marvelous stories of beautiful women, wild parties and good times any time, of any day.
When he arrived in New York he was not disappointed. He soon found other people like himself who loved to party and together they got their own apartment. He had never had such a good time drinking, experimenting with drugs, bringing home women and spending money without restraint.
However, this time did not last. After a few short and wild months his bank account soon began to run low. He was shocked one day when he came to pay rent and no longer had enough. He looked to his friends to help cover the cost but the once so friendly group no longer wanted anything to do with this now broke loser. He soon found himself living on the streets.
He looked for a job anywhere he could just so that he could make enough to eat. Due to a difficult time in the economy and his lack of skills he was unable to find work anywhere. Time and time again potential employers shut the door in his face. Finally out of absolute desperation, he found himself working as a male prostitute. This is something we would have never thought he could sink to and he was constantly disgusted with himself.
One night as fall was turning to winter and he was shivering under newspapers that he had found in a nearby trash can, a thought struck him like a lightning bolt. His father back home had plenty of food for not only himself but the rest of the family and still had food to spare. He began to fondly remember the wonderful dinners they had all had together. He hoped that he might be able to be allowed to work for his father. He decided that very night that he would return home in hopes that he might be able to at least be allowed to eat and if he was lucky, receive a job.
It was at that point that an overwhelming sense of dread began to sink in. What if his father rejected him? How could he ever be forgiven for what he had done? He started to plan out what he would say but the perfect words would not come. He rehearsed over and over what he would say to his father but still words failed him. He was sorry and he had wronged both his father and God in Heaven. He knew he was no longer worthy of even being a son but was willing to work for his father instead.
He bought a bus ticket with all he had left and began the long journey home. Time and time again he played out how things would turn out when he got home. None of the possible situations that played out in his head were good.
When he finally got back to his hometown he walked off the bus feeling sick, every step was difficult. There were no taxis in his town but luckily the walk from the bus stop to his home was a short one. As he turned the corner to his street he was shocked with what he saw.
His father, who had somehow seen him from the front window of his home, was running down the street in only his bathrobe! His hands were outstretched and he had the hugest smile the boy had ever seen. As the father came up to him the boy began his speech. “Dad I am sorry. I have wronged you…” But his father cut him off with a bear hug that took his breath away. The father called back to the house, “Come bring my son new clothes and something hot to drink. Also call all the neighbors and tell them we are going to have a party tonight. Let’s have a barbeque like this block has never seen before. For my son was dead but is now alive. He was lost but now is found.” So that evening they had a wonderful party.
However, the older son returned home from a hard days work. As he walked towards the house he heard the celebration going on so he asked a neighbor, “What is going on?” The neighbor responded, “Your brother has returned home and your father is throwing a party.”
The older brother was angry and refused to even walk into the house. So the father came out of the house and begged him to join them. But the son responded, “Come on! All these years I have served you without complaint and what do I get in return? Not even a small party for me and my closest friends. Yet your son comes back after living as a fool and a sinner and you throw him a huge party! This is not fair.”
The father responded, “Son you know that all I have is yours but we had to have this party and celebrate because your brother was dead but is now alive. He was lost but is now found. Please come and join the celebration”

crazy lights

Last night I had the chance to step outside and observe one of the more glorious, in my opinion, aspects of the creation. The northern lights were out in all their glory and it was the first time I have ever seen them this far south. The first experience seeing these mysterious lights was in the boundary waters with some close friends where we discussed at length how we could possibly see 'those giant spotlights like you see in car lots' this far out in the wilderness. We are not the quickest group.

I still have no idea how these lights happen or really anything about them other then they are incredible. I have a great respect for those in science but I kind of like my understanding of these kind of things. I love the mystery. There is just something about looking up in the night skies and being reduced to speechlessness. Nature is my favorite and most convincing apologetic. It is beyond my understanding how one can climb a mountain, sit at the edge of a ocean or watch the northern lights and not know in their inner being that there is someone greater out there.

Last night was also a reminder that in the midst of mystery and power, I am loved. Not in that cheesy romantic comedy sort of way but in a way that is so much deeper and I guess, more real. It is the sense that we matter and that we are even more of a creative, unexplainable reality then strange lights in the sky. I am not sure why I was left with that sense but I was and it parallels my understanding of scripture.

So I guess I write this entry as a form of thanks. Thanks to the Almighty creator for putting us into a world that does not easily reduce to equations and where on rare occasions I can walk out my door, look up and say, wow.

schmolitics

I am sure that everyone and their mother is writing and dialoging about politics so there is really no need for this entry other then as a form of catharsis. So like all 'good' people I went out and voted yesterday and did my good deed. I must say that I am disappointed with the results as I see our country going in ways that are a poor use of the amazing power and influence that we have. I find it interesting that all, granted this number is less then 10, of my friends in other countries were saddened by our country's choice. With that said, it is time to move on.

It seems to me, and this is just how I see the world, that the overwhelming passion and participation by our country is a reflection that we truly want the world to be a better place, although mostly for ourselves, and we see our chance for that coming through politics. I would say that I am at least in some form an idealist but I see little hope in what our government or any government can do.

I have always and continue to struggle with the role that a Christian should play in politics and at least in ones life it seems that separation of church and state is an impossibility. Can anyone not be deeply influenced by their beliefs about human nature and God? Christians should be involved in their country and how it is formed.

However what does this look like? I really would love to hear your thoughts on this one (all 3 of you who read this). I am deeply concerned by how our president uses his faith to paint the world in black and white and good verses evil. (I like how by adding the word 'deeply' that last sentence had a much stronger feel. I see the book offers now.) I am quite sure that at least I am just as evil as most if not all people. Is it the role of a nation to help the hungry, stop genocide, strive for peace, etc? I would think so but we seem to do that poorly as a nation.

This gets me back to the Church. Everything does that in my world. I guess that is who I am. It is time for us to stop voting straight ticket and get involved in our communities to create a greener world where those who have the least have a powerful organized advocate. We proved that 'we' can be an influential force in this election. Now lets get off our butts and prove it in our world in a way that really can make a difference for what is best. At least that is what I think for tonight. Now time to stop preaching and try to do something, like go shopping.

Just kidding.

something new

Today as I was sitting at a nearby coffee shop enjoying my usual double mocha and studying Hebrew at a first grade level a friend stopped by the table to chat. As we talked politics, school and faith she made a comment about how she thought I might be part of a 'new' wave in the church and could be used to shake things up. I think that is one of the best compliments I have received in a long time and it makes me wonder what that could look like. It seems to me that we live in a time where my generation and those younger could be part of something amazing. The cynic in me wonders if that is not what every young generation thinks but in the midst of doubt I believe that this part of history truly could be an amazing time for the Church to be what it is designed to be.

I love the movement toward community, the arts, mystery and authenticity. Could we really be at the start of a Spirit lead revolution? Could it be that our criticisms are true and the church has been asleep at the wheel but that there are signs of a reawakening? This weekend as I spent time with my friend Mary in Chicago, we talked about life and our faith, along with a plethora of less heady but equally enjoyable topics. One of the things I most enjoyed about our time was the ability to be open and honest about doubts and love for God at the same time. I think more and more people are moving toward that kind of faith and it is amazingly refreshing. By that I do not mean to imply that I have anything down but in fact I have very little to nothing figured out. I just love that more and more people can admit that out loud.

So could this be something new? I do not know but I hope so. I can only hope that this generation can be used in a way that truly becomes like Christ and is honest about the whole journey. I guess God can do what God wants to do but here is to hoping and ideally praying.