good to be home
It is late and I need to get to bed but as I sit and listen to Hilary Hahn I feel the need to get some thoughts, any thoughts down on 'paper' before I sleep. I am not sure what I have to say, if anything, but I will start by saying that it is good to be home. I returned last night from a short time down in Honduras and after much confusion with the airline finally made it back to Madison. I love Honduras culture and the people that I have come to know there over the past couple of years but there is very little that beats coming back to friends and family and what is familiar. Ahh there is an interesting thought...
I was down visiting my friend Mary several days ago we and like any good 20-somethings who are a mixed bag of idealism and frustration we discussed what made us passionate. My answer was and is something to the effect that I deeply desire or at times desire to desire to have a life that is worth living. 'Worth living' is too mundane. I want to live in such a way that if by some chance I know when death is near and I have time to reflect I know that my journey was all that I could have hoped. I guess that is just me being what John Eldridge says all men are but since I don't like his books I will pretend that this is not true at all but that instead I want something much different then what he writes about.
However I suspect there may be a problem with this mindset as someone who wants to be a Jesus follower. I think it is a little to much within the realm of the philosophy of me. It is about my life, my purpose. So maybe I want the wrong things. What would it look like to truly say, 'for me to live is Christ'. I have no idea. At least not a very good one. I know that I could not say that right now without reeking of the ever so popular falsely life-is-perfect-because-I-am-a-evangelical-christian thing.
Where is this going? I am not sure other then I want to want the right things. I do want to be a person who is passionate but for what is good. Or better yet, what is best. What is that? I know the sunday school answer but what does it look like and how does it become deeply and authentically my honest answer? I should get to bed and hope for a revelation in my sleep or at least a cool way to interpret that dream I keep having where I on a date with Halle Berry with a full mustache.
I was down visiting my friend Mary several days ago we and like any good 20-somethings who are a mixed bag of idealism and frustration we discussed what made us passionate. My answer was and is something to the effect that I deeply desire or at times desire to desire to have a life that is worth living. 'Worth living' is too mundane. I want to live in such a way that if by some chance I know when death is near and I have time to reflect I know that my journey was all that I could have hoped. I guess that is just me being what John Eldridge says all men are but since I don't like his books I will pretend that this is not true at all but that instead I want something much different then what he writes about.
However I suspect there may be a problem with this mindset as someone who wants to be a Jesus follower. I think it is a little to much within the realm of the philosophy of me. It is about my life, my purpose. So maybe I want the wrong things. What would it look like to truly say, 'for me to live is Christ'. I have no idea. At least not a very good one. I know that I could not say that right now without reeking of the ever so popular falsely life-is-perfect-because-I-am-a-evangelical-christian thing.
Where is this going? I am not sure other then I want to want the right things. I do want to be a person who is passionate but for what is good. Or better yet, what is best. What is that? I know the sunday school answer but what does it look like and how does it become deeply and authentically my honest answer? I should get to bed and hope for a revelation in my sleep or at least a cool way to interpret that dream I keep having where I on a date with Halle Berry with a full mustache.
posted by Jon at
10:14 PM
6 Comments:
wouldn't that be great to wake up and realize you've got some great revelation about life? i think i wish that every night. alas, this morning, i woke up trying to figure out if the new friend i'd met at the party i'd thrown in my dream was russian, of if it was just her mom she was talking about who was russian. regardless, MY mom had put up some nice decorations for the party, so i was pleased ...
i digress.
here's to you wanting those things that are true,noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy :)
Mary you not only live your life throwing a lot of parties but now you are dreaming about them. Maybe this russian friend and your mom can help make your coming birthday party one to remember.
sad, sad that i am counting on my fictional russian friend and minnesota-based mother to plan the big 2-5 here in chicago.
i think i will build myself a cake.
and then a bottle of wine.
tear.
wait, let me rephrase that ... i'm not actually going to build myself a bottle of wine. though i would really really really love to own and operate a winery SOMEDAY, i do not plan on preparing my own planting, harvesting and preparing my own grapes by july 30th.
just to clarify ...
It sounds like you have already starting drinking that wine.
:P
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